Everyone knows about Herman Cainâ€™s 9-9-9 Plan. But what about his other plans? Hereâ€™s your chance to familiarize yourself with them.
Herman Cain will hand out little joystick-like paddles with a red button on top. Simply push the red button and watch your taxes go down and Herman Cain go up, up, up, as you just pushed the Launch Herman Cain Into Space button! Pretty cool, huh?!
Call Herman Cain anytime and, for just 25 cents, heâ€™ll give you the residential or business phone number youâ€™re looking for! Make sure you thank Herman for his time; doing so will ensure that he doesnâ€™t visit your house and dismember you with a chainsaw.
This is the same as the 9-9-9 Plan except that, to be eligible, you have to stand on your head. Just kidding! This plan will give you a tax break if you worship Satan, The Accuser.
Herman Cain sexually harasses the entire Delta Delta Delta sorority.
Call me paranoid, but this is the plan in which Herman Cain tries to steal my identity using my social security number.
This is a plan that only Herman Cain can see because he is a robot.
Nobody really knows what this plan is all about. Weâ€™ve tried asking Herman Cain, but he refuses to speak about it. Some think Hermanâ€™s just fucking with us. But how, then, do you explain the rotting goats hanging among the Sopressata in Cainâ€™s basement? See, you canâ€™t. I think itâ€™s clear that the 34847834792234234-8974793274982934-239774737 Plan is very real.
This is the plan in which Herman Cain falls asleep on his keyboard while trying to think of a new gimmick to keep him up in the polls.