Compendium #1: Wine/Movie Pairings
There are tons of lists that help you pair wine with food. But what about lists that help you pair wine with movies? Well, here it is: the definitive wine-movie pairing list.
Chacayes Malbec 2003
Pairs well with a David Lynch movie. For best results, make sure you pour the Malbec into your Blu-Ray player and drink the David Lynch movie.
Oyster Bay Merlot 2006
To truly enjoy this wine, you need a Magic 8 Ball, the movie Turner & Hooch and a list of phone numbers belonging to your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends (whatever youâ€™re into). I think you know where to go from there. But just in case you donâ€™t, hereâ€™s a hint: youâ€™ll also need a wire hanger and three jars of peanut butter (extra crunchy).
Katnook Estate Coonawarra Shiraz 2007
Drink seven glasses of this Shiraz and suddenly Thereâ€™s Something About Mary becomes funny again. Youâ€™re welcome.
Pencarrow Martinborough Pinot Noir 2006
Nothing like grabbing some friends and drinking a little Martinborough while watching 16 Candles, starring Anthony Michael Hall, and then watching the television program â€œThe Dead Zone,â€ also starring Anthony Michael Hall, and then asking all your friends to compare notes about Anthony Michael Hall, right?
Compendium #2: Iâ€™m Afraid Iâ€™m Going To Have To Call Your Bluff
After reading each quote in the list below, you must say aloud the following refrain: â€œIâ€™m afraid Iâ€™m going to have to call your bluff.â€ Itâ€™s that easy.
â€œIâ€™m going to start writing a novel aboutâ€”â€
â€œThe other day, I was skinny dipping and I got my penis stuck in the swimming pool.â€
â€œWe plan on having a Spring wedding.â€
â€œWhy, yes, my steep riverbank formed by erosion does have a set of human ears and is a little lonely right now.â€
â€œI was out with the girls.â€
â€œI was out shopping.â€
â€œI was out at Starbucks, having a cup of coffee.â€
â€œWell, I was not with the Italian waiter from that one restaurant.â€
â€œWill you please stop saying that?â€
â€œSeriously, if you donâ€™t stop now, Iâ€™m leaving you.â€
Compendium #3: Things English Majors Experience While Serving Time In Prison
Proofreading license plates
12% more melancholy than what they usually experience outside of prison
Lots of time to read and write!
Not much desire to write, though
The â€œGrammar Hammerâ€