I’ve never done a how-to-write blog post before. This is because
a) Â Â Â Â PANKsters know how to write already; and
b) Â Â Â Â I’m not entirely sure how to write.
But I realised that I do write in a few different genres, so I tried to think about how each one is different. Here are my conclusions.
How To Write Horror
Try to hear every word you write in Tricky’s voice.
How To Write Sci-Fi Erotica
Imagine what Mary Shelley would write after fucking Pris from Blade Runner.
How To Write Urban Fantasy
Peep in your neighbours’ windows and write what they do when they’re out of sight — it’s okay, because they are mermaid-vampire-werewolf hybrids and it is your duty to tell the world about their hidden battles.
How To Write Â Fairy Tales
Imagine you have trapped a tiny person in a glass jar for several years. Tell the stories they would say to convince you to open the jar.
How To Write Â Personal Essays
Pretend someone else is writing the essay, then write in such a way that if you met them you couldn’t look them in the eye. This is especially important if you’re British, due to our centuries-old romance with shame.
How To Write Â PANK blog posts
Imagine what a professional, organised, wealthy writer would write. Then imagine what an opium-addled, tangle-brained, gutter hack would write. Try to do something that is simultaneously the opposite of both.
What’s your genre? How do you write it?