“Terminal Boredom,” from Zachary Buscher, was in the April Issue.
1. What ribbon do you always earn?
The kind that makes my pigtails look hot.
2. What makes a man a man?
All I know is that a man cannot be a muppet but one can be a muppet of a man or a very manly muppet.
3. Why isn’t there always sexual mischief?
SIRI says I should try a web search for that.
4. How could you be an ugly wedding?
Invite your sexual history. Serve them cremaster crÃ¨me anglaise. Toast with and to Robitussin DX. Dress the bridesmaids like live turkeys coated in dead cranberry sauce. Better yet, dress no one. Play Wagner on keytar. Cast myself in the role of groom under Paul W.S. Andersonâ€™s inspired direction.
5. Where did this poem come from?
The black lagoon from which that ugly wedding business arose. Wherever it came from, it came hard and correct.
6. What have you sniffed lately?
Pillows. Fingers. A Belgian drinking chocolate called â€œCocoa Metro.â€ Various strains of weed. Hardwood floors Iâ€™ve peed on and subsequently Swiffered. Parsley. Cilantro. Parsley. Cilantro.