Ask The Author: Robb Todd

This great story, “All You Need is Love (and a Job (Or Maybe Not a Job)),” by Robb Todd was published in the December Issue.

1. What would be the most inappropriate costume you would wear on Halloween?

There’s such a thing? I dunno. I can only steal a story about a lady I met who went as Jackie Kennedy, which sounds very chic, but she went as Jackie Kennedy in the back of the black Lincoln in Dallas a few seconds after the shots were fired. Brilliant costume. If I ever throw together an inappropriate costume, I must try to top that. Might not be possible.

2. What is it that you need the most?

A stockpile of paper towels and air freshener. That seems to be my retirement plan, too.

3. How is watching a parade instead of being in it an example of not living?

It’s the difference between being a participant and a spectator. Parades are unbelievably boring—unless you are in them. I do not understand why anyone would stand on the sidewalk and watch. If you live in New York and don’t do the Halloween Parade at least once, you might suck. Anyone can make her life better just by deciding to live it. It doesn’t take much. Go march in a parade.

4. What is the background on ‘All You Need…”

I write a lot of stories on my phone and I wrote this one on my phone, too, on the subway on my way home from a bar late one night. I was angry. This happened around the time we changed presidents and the economy was tanking. I wish I had an imagination that never required the assistance of the real world, but most of this story was built with reporting. I still think of it as fiction, though, even though it’d probably pass the Oprah-memoir test. I couldn’t escape the contrast of what had happened earlier and what was happening on the train. New York is good for that, good for giving you sharp differences between the lives you encounter within a small radius. These two scenes set against each other exemplify the central problems facing our country, although I wasn’t consciously trying to do that when I wrote it—I was just angry with the state of things.

5. Which Beatle would you like to have assassinated instead? Would you trade a member of the Stones instead?

All of them! No, they weren’t that bad but I am not a big fan. And I can’t hate on the Stones. Paul, though. Yes. Has to be Paul. He makes no sense to me. Neither do people who enjoy him. Goodbye, sir! If only he had been in the back seat with Jackie. Oh! How inappropriate. Look what you’ve done to me. I’m wishing people dead. Oh, gosh. Is anyone going to read this?

6. Do you have 99 problems? If so, what isn’t a problem for you?

I have at least 99. I suspect more but why count? The only thing that’s not a problem for me is a lack of problems. Wait, there’s another thing: being rich isn’t a problem for me, either. Hope that never happens! That cheddar will ruin you. Better to be poor, I tell myself. Still, I am generally a happy person, I tell myself.