Joseph Goosey makes another appearance in the March issue of PANK and talks with us about literary threesome, the writing life if Jacksonville, and dental work.
1. What authors would you get into a threesome with? What would happen?
Oh damn there’s a lot of sexy authors out there. Seems like everyday I see somebody’s author photo and I’m like DAMN! I could probably come up with like fifty combinations but I won’t. Well, definitely Kathy Acker circa, say, 1988 because you just know Kathy Acker got down. So her, and I think Luca Dipierro is pretty fine. We’d take turns doubling up on one another and then there’d probably be some intermediate-level slapping. Not Carl Hiaasen though. He’s not hot.
2. Have you ever seen anyone whose teeth were constructed on the roof of a church? Would it be a bleaker version of the bejeweled grills of so many hip-hop performers?
Yeah it’d be like Lil Wayne’s rotten pre-grill teeth.
3. How would you make a career services pamphlet?
I don’t think I would ever want to be involved in making a career services pamphlet. There’s just something about those pamphlets that ’cause an overwhelming sense of uselessness. Have you ever looked at one? Like a school or something? “What You Can Do With A Degree in Communications!” and then there’s some group of kids featuring one representative from each race and sex…oh it’s terrible.
4. How much more interesting would healthcare be if wine was used as a respirator?
Then people wouldn’t go without it because it’s delicious and we’d all be doing very well. Don’t they say it’s “good for the heart” or something like that? I had some wine last night and it was called manage-a-trois and I just thought I’d throw that in here due to the manage-a-trois running theme here.
5. What’s the literary scene like in Jacksonville? Somewhat non-existent to my knowledge anyhow.
It’s a huge fucking place so there may be some scene I don’t know about. There is this one bookstore downtown that has readings that are pretty cool. I used to go but now I always have to work when they go down. There’s this guy the papers like to call “Jacksonville’s Poet Laureate” but he really just kind of pretends he’s Bukowski and it’s silly. I’ve met people who write and all, but I wouldn’t say they make up any kind of scene.