Ask the Author: Jo Gatford

Jo Gatford is featured in our special London Calling issue. She talks with us about ducks, night reading, bookshelf life and more.

1. What would you stick on a duck to enhance it?

Definitely a handlebar moustache. Or a snorkel and a mask. Or cover its bill in those stick-on tacky gems. Classy.

2. What do you wish you were singing on?

A steamboat would be pretty cool, with a nonchalant band casually avoiding flying bar stools while a fight breaks out over a poker game. Or did you mean swinging? If so, I’d take a hammock right now. Or a tyre swing over a river. I could sing at the same time if you like.

3. How do you read at night?

On my side with the book propped up against the duvet, until I fall asleep. Or in the bath with one dry, unwashed hand emerging out of the water to hold up my book like Excalibur. When I was breastfeeding I read my way through a small library, though I barely remember any of them now. I do recall reading I, Legend in one sitting/feeding and waking the baby up from the increase in my heart rate.

4. Where would you live on my bookshelf?

Close to the Vonneguts. Although I’d have to take day trips up to the Hellers and the Hempels and then wander down to eat my lunch leaning against a Marquez. I suppose I should probably be in the Gs but my bookshelves never stay in alphabetical order, I don’t know about yours. If they do, I might re-order them while you’re sleeping and freak you out.

5. Why did you choose a duck as a tub toy for “In The Duck Light”?

It’s fairly autobiographical (except I was the sighing wife and not the pissing husband) and the duck existed, flashed incessantly and eventually died in a gooey, mouldy mess. If I write a sequel it will have to be updated to include the triceratops and panda that currently reside in our bath.

6. What are my breasts for?

Yours? Wonderful things. You can paint them to look like eyes and do a belly dance; you can hide things in between them if they’re large enough; you can push them up and almost out of your top and then scold people for staring at them; you can make milk; you can pierce a nipple or two and shock your mother. Or sometimes it’s just nice to hold them and warm your hands on a cold day.