Ask the Author: Deanna Larsen

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Deanna Larsen’s elegant Buenos Aires in Three Short Lessons is part of the February issue. She talks with us about what she wishes her calves would cut, matters of bones and being afraid of her own body.

1. What or who do you wish your calves could cut?

Student loan debt?  Sorry, bad pun.  Actually, can they be more of a multi-purpose tool that can also open jars and cans?  Maybe I should
just get a Swiss Army knife.

2. Out of the three lessons, the second is my favorite. What are your influences in creating such rich imagery as “Her skin butterscotch frosting so sweet my blood sugar spiked the roof of her mouth.”

Let me start off by saying that I have what I call Beautiful People Disorder.  When I’m around extremely attractive people, I become
impressively stupid.  Natalia was such a person.  She had this feline poise and her face glowed like she was constantly having sex.  So I
was thinking about how her skin looked sweet and decadent and what it would be like to indulge in that.  Then I thought about how I’m
hypoglycemic and what would happen if I consumed that much sugar at once.  On top of the symptoms of Beautiful People Disorder I would probably go into a glucose induced hysteria and do something stupid like try to kiss her and end up stabbing her with my tongue.

3. Do you take Natalia’s advice of never being afraid of your own body?

I try, but I’m really clumsy.  I routinely walk into door frames and trip up stairs.  Natalia doesn’t need to be afraid of her own body
because she’s probably never broken her arm falling off a bus.

4. How did you learn to identify human skeletal remains?

I took a Human Osteology course in college to fulfill the science requirements and ended up loving it.  Bones are fantastic.  Did you
know there’s a bone inside the skull that looks like a bat?  Or that the clavicle doesn’t fuse until your about 25-years-old?  Now when I
see people I think things like “Wow, what a masculine skull.  Look at that supraorbital ridge!”   I lament the fact that I can’t see my own
skeleton.

5. What is the best soundtrack to hike through a cave?

David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” or the Gorillaz self-titled album.

6. What can you teach someone to do in only an hour?

Basic Spanish phrases.  How to play Viking Lawn Chess.  I think that’s about it.  An hour isn’t very long.