Huckster
Huckster: Nine Ways To Keep Creativity Flowing
Advertising is all about creativity, no matter which department you’re in (unless you’re the office barista). So how do you cultivate creativity? With a garden trowel? A gun? With $32.50 in unmarked bills delivered to a shadowy man in a … Continue reading
Huckster: Anatomy Of An Advertising Professional’s Brain
Many people think the brain of someone in advertising looks exactly like the brain of people in every other profession: grey, lumpy, lightening bolts down each side. But actually, our brains look quite different. Take the shape, for instance. An … Continue reading
Huckster: Excerpts From An Advertising Professional’s Journal Regarding His Time At Ogilvy Transylvania
May 10 It’s very strange here at Ogilvy’s Transylvania office. Not strange in a bad way. Just strange. I mean, I love it here. It’s, like, the best place I’ve ever worked at, and I’m not just saying that because … Continue reading
Huckster: Welcome To The 23rd Annual Agency Picnic Olympics!
Hello, everyone! Thank you for coming to the 23rd Annual Agency Picnic Olympics. Our agency has been doing this for more than 22 years now, and every year it gets better. So, without further ado, let’s go over the day’s … Continue reading
Huckster: Muse Varieties For Creatives In Advertising
Many creatives are reluctant to answer (truthfully) the question, “From where do you get your ideas?” Sure, they might provide an answer, but rarely to do they provide the truth: that they get their ideas from a muse. Every creative’s … Continue reading
Huckster: Things (About The Advertising Industry And Those Who Work In It) I’ve Yet To Overhear At A Party
“I think it’s just a matter of time before someone in advertising wins the Nobel Peace Prize.” ……………… “Copywriter, huh? Is he single?” ……………… “Well, for starters, I feel like the deadlines could be tighter.” ……………… “It was either this, … Continue reading
Huckster: A Few Famous Songs Turned Into Advertising Jingles
Sung to the tune of “Wanna Be Starting Something,” by Michael Jackson I said you wanna be drinkin’ Starbucks You got to be drinkin’ Starbucks I said you wanna be drinkin’ Starbucks You got to be drinkin’ Starbucks You’re really … Continue reading
Huckster: Movie Teaser Excerpts For Films About Advertising
If you see only one movie this summer, make it one of these…and then see the other four! And remember, when you’re reading these teasers, channel the voice of Don LaFontaine! …………………….. The Job In a world…where one man will … Continue reading
Huckster: The Opening Of A Job (As Told In The Style Of A Raymond Carver Story Edited By Gordon Lish)
L.T and I go out for a drink at this café that serves cold sandwiches and alcohol. This is after I opened a new job back at the agency. We don’t always drink at lunch. Sometimes we drink other times … Continue reading
Huckster: Yankee Candle Scents For Advertising Professionals
Polished Turd Definitely doesn’t smell like Cannes. Production Meeting Notes of copper (blood) and onions (body odor) and sugar (to pour into the wounds). Careful! Some wicks are fuses! Office Coffee Is something burning? Yes. Yes, something is burning. Server’s … Continue reading
Huckster: Deciding To Get Into Advertising: Mini-Stories
Jason’s Story I still remember the day I decided to get into advertising. It was a cold day. Extremely cold. Not outside, but inside the walk-in freezer, the one my captor locked me in. You know, same old story. Anyway, … Continue reading
Huckster: The Catholic Church—Advertising Medium Of The Future
Currently, there’s a huge medium that’s being ignored by advertisers, and that medium is the Catholic Church. But this will change in the future—specifically, it will change on Maypril 45, 2123 AD. I learned this from a friend of mine … Continue reading
Huckster: First Lines Of Classic Novels, Written As If Their Authors Had Worked In Advertising
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of opening a job, it was the age of closing the job, followed by reopening the job, but with a tighter deadline. It was … Continue reading
Huckster: The Progression Of Job Titles In Various Agency Departments
Account Services Department Account Coordinator Account Executive Assistant to the Barista Barista Head Barista Account Supervisor Director of Account Services (Mystery Title, Determined By The Wheel Of Thou Fair Moniker) Assistant to the Barista …………………… …………………… Public Relations Department Public … Continue reading
Huckster: How To Inverview For A Job In Advertising
Looking for a job in advertising? Plenty of people are, that’s for sure. Here’s a little trick: open up any phone book and, chances are, someone in that book is looking for a job in advertising. Just kidding. There’s no … Continue reading
Huckster: First-Draft Taglines
Chances are, if you don’t work in the magical world of advertising, then you’re probably not aware of what company taglines originally looked like before they evolved into their present state. For instance, did you know that Volkswagon’s “Drivers Wanted” … Continue reading
Huckster: My First Date
Everyone remembers their first date. I certainly remember mine. I was 22 and I had just been promoted from junior copywriter to copywriter. In fact, I remember my first date like it was yesterday. Her name was Judy or Joan … Continue reading
Huckster: Do You Have A Urinary Tract Infection Or Are You Just Doing Your Timesheets?
Let’s face it: there’s only one thing worse than having “that feeling” and that, of course, is not knowing exactly what the feeling means (besides excruciating pain! Help!). Many doctors rush to the diagnosis of urinary tract infection (UTI), but … Continue reading
Huckster: The Worst Kind Of Client
It’s common for someone working in advertising to complain about a client every now and then. It’s only human nature as well as science (chemistry). There are the clients who want to play art director, or the ones who like … Continue reading
Huckster: Myth Bustin’
Why am I here? Why are you here? Why are any of us here? Why is this cat here, sitting on the barstool next to me? Why is there a living goldfish wriggling inside the cat’s mouth? Where did that … Continue reading
Huckster: An Average Day For Someone Who Works In Advertising
—Wake up. Wonder why you have “If You’re Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands” song stuck in head. —Go to bathroom (number one). —Head to office. Realize you forgot your laptop. —Go back home, try to remember what … Continue reading
Huckster: The Legend Of My Grandfather, An Ad Man
Before he died, my grandfather once told me that everyone is supposed to stick to one thing in life. One thing. That, he said, was the secret of life. He was in advertising, my grandfather, but you’d never know it. … Continue reading
Huckster: Transcript Of An Ad Agency New-Business Pitch, Part 1: Introducing The Team
Hello, and thank you for letting us pitch your business. Half of the thinking you’re about to hear today will decidedly prove that we are the right advertising agency for you, and the other half will simply blow. Your. Mind. … Continue reading
Huckster: Five Commonly Known Sexual Pleasures For Advertising Professionals
To be sure, everyone’s extremely familiar with kama sutra—the ancient Hindu text on erotic pleasures. Everyone except advertising professionals, that is. You see, these professionals have their own book catered specifically for them. Here are just some of the 1,245 … Continue reading
Huckster: What It Takes
If you’re like me, you’re probably asking yourself right now, What does it take to get into advertising? Certainly, some qualifications depend on what department you want to work in, but there are some general traits that are not department-specific, … Continue reading
Huckster: Monologue Of An Ad Job (Read In The Voice Of Morgan Freeman From Shawshank Redemption)
There’s a job like me in every ad agency in America, I guess. I’m the project that can give it to you. Stress-induced hives, grey hairs, a bastard child conceived while working late into the night with someone of the … Continue reading
Huckster: The Unbelievable History Of The Advertising Industry
You’re probably wondering how the advertising industry got started—or, to put it another way, how the industry of advertising began. It’s only natural for you to wonder such a thing. But the fact is, if I told you, you wouldn’t … Continue reading
Huckster: Regarding The Advertising Agency Media Department, Did You Know?
1,024 is the average number of words per minute a media buyer can speak? Ron Jeremy was a media buyer before he was an accountant? (This is a different Ron Jeremy.) Media buyers are born with three kidneys? After a … Continue reading
Huckster: Two-Page, Annotated Introduction In The Creative Department Employee Manual
PAGE 1 Hello and welcome, new employee in the creative department! Congratulations on getting the new job. Whether you’re an art director, copywriter, designer—whatever—your time here will be quite fruitful.1 Consider this an executive summary of the 1,235-page manual you’re … Continue reading
Huckster: Hello And Welcome To The Agency, New Account Executive
Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. Just kidding. How could I miss you—you’re in our lobby, for Christ’s sake. Welcome to our ad agency, new account executive. Let me give you the dime tour one more time. Then I’ll … Continue reading
The Inner Sanctum Of A Traditional Advertising Agency
There are many departments within an advertising agency, and each has its annoying (yet adorable!) habits. Here is a brief overview of the departments for a traditional agency structure. I should be clear that every agency is different and, these … Continue reading
Huckster: Mad Men, Pagan Deities & Journalism—Answers To Common Questions About Advertising
Below, I’ve answered some common questions about advertising. Hopefully this will shed some light on an industry renowned for its darkness. Dear Huckster: Is the television show Mad Men respresentative of the current advertising world? – GoingMad, Auburn, Alabama Dear … Continue reading
Huckster: A Frank Introduction To The Ad Agency Production Meeting
When someone asks me what I do for a living, I tell him or her I’m a writer at an advertising agency. I could say that I’m a copywriter at an advertising agency, but there have been too many instances … Continue reading