Gallimaufry
Gallimaufry: It’s So Hard To Say Good-bye To Yesterday, Whatever That Means
Hello. As you may or may not know, this is my last post for my Gallimaufry column. That’s right: it’s time to say good-bye. And as you may or may not know, there are many ways to say good-bye.
Gallimaufry: A Compendium Of Compendiums Regarding Wine, Bluff-Calling & English Majors In Prison
Compendium #1: Wine/Movie Pairings There are tons of lists that help you pair wine with food. But what about lists that help you pair wine with movies? Well, here it is: the definitive wine-movie pairing list. Chacayes Malbec 2003 Pairs … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: Reading Lorrie Moore
If you’ve ever read Lorrie Moore, you know she’s a genius in the tragicomic world of literary fiction. If you’ve never read Lorrie Moore, then you will have no idea what this post is about, and for this I’m sorry. … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: A Letter From The “Words With Friends” Corporate Office
Dear Concerned Citizen: We at Words With Friends received your letter regarding our—as you put it—“uncanny similarities to the board game Scrabble.” Believe it or not, you aren’t the first person to bring this to our attention. In fact, we … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: More Plans By Herman Cain
Everyone knows about Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 Plan. But what about his other plans? Here’s your chance to familiarize yourself with them. 3-2-1 Plan Herman Cain will hand out little joystick-like paddles with a red button on top. Simply push the … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: Less Successful Fruit Drink Names
Surrogrape Mother Murderberry Splash Switchblade Vurpberry Watermeloncholy Salmonella Punch Lemon-Lime In The Time Of Cholera Dysentery Cherry Goiter A-pear-ances Can Be Deceiving Vasectomelon Splash Kiwi de Magnesia SacriliJuice! Banana Dilemma Orange “The Shakes” Crush
Gallimaufry: New (And Improved?) Choose Your Own Adventures!
Lost In A Cave! Oh, no! You are lost in a cave and you’re desperately trying to find a way out! Really, you have nobody to blame for this misfortune but yourself. Also, Daniel, who drugged you, tied you up, … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: Just Another Day At The Gym
Boot Camp Class Okay, everyone, let’s start with some stretches! Ready? O-kay. Let’s begin with the arms in the air, and raise them…and raise them…and raise them! Come on, people, you just got caught swallowing 1.2 million dollars in canary … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: The Worst Thing
There is nothing worse than getting a paper cut. Some people will try to argue differently, but those people are always wrong and we should feel sorry for them. Some people will try to tell you they experienced something worse … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: The Second-To-Last Supper
And as they were reclining at table and eating on this, the second-to-last supper, Jesus looked around at his guests. There was James The Greater and, to a lesser extent, James The Lesser. There was John and Peter, who, you … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: Thank You For Using LinkedIn!
Thank you for using LinkedIn. Everyone here at LinkedIn truly appreciates your ongoing support, and we hope our site has provided you the tools you need to succeed in business. With that said, we would like to take a moment … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: New Science Experiments You Can Do With Basic Household Items
Baking Soda Volcano This. Is. A classic. The kids will love this one so much, they’ll finally call you ‘Dad.’ (Hey, better late than never!) Start out by baking a dozen sugar cookies on a baking pan. When they’re finished, … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: Department Store Announcements You Don’t Hear Very Often
Attention shoppers: Life is hard, I know. There are many trials and tribulations, and some of your problems simply can’t be fixed. You want to hit an ‘undo’ button on some of the decisions you’ve made, but you can’t because … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: High School Courses Revisited
Creative Writing This is an introductory course that focuses on imaginative writing style, revision, being alone, ordering in, crying, finding a good psychologist, and cleaning the house. Writing-wise, we will focus on short stories, poetry and creative non-fiction as well … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: Standard & Poor’s Official Apology For Its $2 Trillion Dollar Mistake As Well As Some Of Its Other Minor Miscalculations
On August 6, after Standard & Poor’s downgraded the US credit rating to AA+, the US Treasury pointed out a $2 trillion error in Standard & Poor’s calculations. “A judgment flawed by a 2 trillion dollar error speaks for itself,” … Continue reading
Gallimaufry: My First Days On Earth
Like you, I was born. Then I became a man. I still am a man. Just ask my wife. Never mind. Don’t ask my wife. Pretend I never even brought my wife up. Just take it from me: I am … Continue reading