Dear Tracy Morgan
[Alana Noel Voth / June 12th, 2011 / Breeding and Writing / Tags: Homophobia, Matthew Shepard, Tracy Morgan]Dear Tracy Morgan,
By now, everyone probably knows you stated during a recent stand-up routine in Nashville Tennesse you’d stab your son to death if he was gay.
That was probably the worst of your homophobic tirade. I guess.
You also said gays are pussies for whining so much about being bullied and that if gays can take it up the ass they should be able to take a joke.
Okay. Haha! Ha.
Wait. I guess I can’t take a joke, Mr. Morgan. Or a cock up my ass either. Only because that maneuver didn’t work for me, logistically speaking. But to make it clear, I loathe the implication (and prejudice inherent) that only gay men derive pleasure from anal sex. That’s not true. I knew a woman once, Cindy. Never mind. She was probably a whore. Anyway, a straight guy who enjoys anal play is probably a closeted faggot, right?
Imagine men secure in thier masculinity. Yeah. Just saying. Sexuality is more fluid that most people would admit. Because people like to draw lines in the sand and consider everything from a black-and-white perspective. Also, this country is plagued by sexual hang ups. Stereotypes. Assumptions. Stupidity. Banality. Anal is just another way some people achieve sexual pleasure. So what? What do you like? I’m not going to judge, Mr. Morgan. Play safe. Play fair. That’s all.
Hint. Rape isn’t fair, and neither is child molestation. That’s right. A man molested me when I was five, which means I wasn’t old enough to consent. Or even understand what the fuck was going on. Absolute power play, that one. The first of several in my lifetime.
NO. FAIR.
Am I whining?
Let’s move on.
Consenting adults can do whatever the fuck they like. What’s wrong with it? Anal gets a bad rap. Because it’s sodomy performed by sodomites who God turned to salt or some shit in the Bible. Only gays enjoy sodomy! Gays are Sodomites! They’re Sodomitistic Salt. Nonsensical crap. I never look to the Bible for my moral compass.
For example, God hates fags.
BULLSHIT. Yes, all caps. I’m yelling. One more time. BULLSHIT.
God doesn’t hate fags. Your parents do.
Imagine all the empathy and tolerance these children will go forth into the world and spread.
Heartening, isn’t it?
Meanwhile, you tell a audience in Nashville Tennessee (who cheered you on, no less) you’d stab your own child to death if he was gay. You understand, Mr. Morgan, that parents every day disown their children because of their sexual preferences? See For the Bible Tells Me So as a reference if you don’t have a clue.
Or talk to gay and lesbian children. Have you ever? Talk to the gay and lesbian teens living on the street because they can’t live at home. Too bad you can’t talk to the thousands upon thousands of gay and lesbian teenagers who commit suicide every year because their families disown them. But that’s impossible now. They’re dead.
I keep trying to figure it out, Mr. Morgan. Your act in Nashville. What’s so funny about it? Shock value? Irony? I told my son what you said and he was bummed. You should have seen his face drop. ”Man,” he said. “That sucks.” We watch 30 Rock together and he thinks it’s a great show.
“I don’t understand why everyone hates gay people so much.” That’s what he said. My son turned fourteen yesterday. He’s more intuitive than a lot of kids his age. And I think he’s tons more empathetic. I’ve worked hard at that. Hard. A life long pursuit, my contract with the universe. You start by teaching your child self acceptance.
Then accepting others is easier. I believe. Imagine it. You’re a parent, Mr. Morgan. You know how tough it is out here raising children. Slippery slope. How much do you let them do? When? Where? How? Who to trust? Jesus. All I want is to protect my son. I’m sure you feel the same way. I hope so. Which is why this tirade of yours got under my skin then stayed there like a tick holing up. Sure, I have an obsessive personality. I’m a writer. It’s required. But also, like you, I’m an artist and am forever interested in what other artists do and why and how it works. See, I appreciate the power of art to incite a reaction in other people. We’re supposed to do that.
Our audience is so apathetic sometimes.
And sometimes they’re ignorant. And sometimes they’re scared.
Once upon a time, I tolerated a great deal of misogyny and homophobia as a college writing teacher. I never once told a male student he couldn’t write his story. What I said was, “Write this in a way I understand where the misogyny (or homophobia) comes from.” You always hope the artist will experience an epiphany. To the betterment of themselves and humankind. But you have to get real naked to do that. No holds barred, self implication. Which is difficult. Gulp. What’s your demon, Mr. Morgan?
Lots of comedians are angry. Obvious. That’s why they’re funny. Comedy becomes a platform where a comedian presses real life, hot-button topics. Oscar Wilde once said, “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they’ll kill you.”
I also believe lots of comedians are sad. Chris Farley, for instance. He almost always made himself the punchline. He was brilliant. Gosh, he made me laugh. Sort of breaks my heart when I think about it. Probably all Chris ever wanted was love. And he sort of left himself at the mercy of others to get it, took a lot of shots. Self inflicted.
I want to tell you a story.
One night, two boys picked up a third in a bar under the pretense they’d give him a ride home, or perhaps under the pretense they liked him, or maybe there was more to it, another underlying current, the sort that would have given the third boy hope, all the while these other two boys played him along. Cruel-like, sneaky. I don’t know. Matt was the kind of guy to chat anyone up. He was kind, extroverted, and generous with his money. He’d buy you a drink, no problem. One thing I know for sure, Matt wanted to trust these boys. He believed, however short lived, they accepted him, despite his orientation, which was, you know: gay.
While one boy drove the car and egged his friend on, the other boy held a gun on Matt. Then he beat Matt in the head with it. Matt started to cry. He begged the boy to stop. Eventually, he was disoriented. Finally, bleeding in his brain, Matt fell unconscious. The two boys removed his shoes then tied him to a fence and left him. Later, one of these boys got in a fight at another bar then ended up in the ER. Later still, in the same ER and tended by the same doctor, Matthew Shepard lie in a coma dying from all those blows to his head. His attacker walked out of the hospital, just fine. And I think about him. You know? What turns a boy into a homophobe into a killer?
And I think about Matthew. All the time. I mean it. Perhaps he’s my moral compass.
I walk out to the fence and lie with him, on the ground, right there; I lie next to him and meditate and listen. If he speaks . . . usually, he has a question. “You think people are actually Jesus and I’m going to die for their sins?”
Can you fathom it, Mr. Morgan? His blond head bleeds onto the dirt and pasture. Left like this. So we come here, lots of us, and lie with him. If you’ll lie with us next to Matthew, Mr. Morgan, I think you might feel it. His aura. Collective energy. Please. He won’t bite. Homosexuality isn’t contagious. Ignorance and prejudice though is.
Perhaps now you’ll sob at the idea anyone could do this to your own child. And for what? His sexual preference? His skin color? What?
Now have this thought too. If I could just do this one thing right then my own child won’t grow up to do this to another human being.
Please. We welcome you, Mr. Morgan.
When I heard about Matthew Shepard, I was holding my baby after her morning feeding, standing in the center of our ragged Oriental rug, rocking her to sleep and watching TV (new mother = new multitasker). I started to cry and cry and cry, and I woke her up, and I told her: You’re never going to Wyoming!
This was my own knee-jerk reaction. I was thinking, and feeling, a lot of what you wrote here; and I thank you for writing it down, for reminding me of the grip I had on baby Daisy, of the fear I have for her now, as she explores her sexuality.
Thanks, Alana.
Aimee,
You are one parent I respect and adore, and thank you for reading and leaving your comment. Daisy is a super special girl. One reason is, she has you. But also, she’s a fiery kid, that one, damned smart, and I wish her a happy and safe exploration. We all deserve that.
Damn, I miss you.
Wow. I have so many feelings about this I can’t even begin. Thank you, Alana.
Dawn, you’re one of my favorite people these days. I just really adore and champion you as a humanitarian and writer. I predict terrific, powerful things for you. Keep on, baby. XO
Aww, thank you so much Alana! If we lived in the same town I would come over with flowers and a bottle of wine like right now.
Dawn, that would be awesome.
Indescribably extraordinary, Alana—thank you.
Em, you’re welcome. You continue to amaze and inspire me with your kind and compassionate, not to mention smart as hell, sexual activism. Thank you. XO
Well said. Needed to be said.
Thank you, Amy. Peace.
Alana, for obvious reasons this really hit home. All of your writings have been moving, but this one struck me right in the heart. Tears are flowing. People like Tracy Morgan forget that people were once lynched because of the color of their skin. Is black and gay the same thing? No and Yes. One can pretend they aren’t gay, hide who they are. One cannot hide the fact that they are black. But regardless of whether you can hide the other or not, being gay and being black is something that one is born with. Some will argue, but I know for certain. Hate is hate, no matter what kind and Tracy Morgans hate-filled standup is just as ignorant and evil as the hearts of the racist white men involved in the lynchings so many years ago.
Terry. You. Are. Spot. On. Thank you.
I love you for this. Thank you.
Pax-y. I love you. Thank you.
Alana – I’m a friend of Pax’s. You can thank him for the new follower. So well thought out and so eloquently expressed. Only a mother could write such a heartfelt piece. I wish everyone had a mom like you.
Brian,
Pax is one of my favorite people, for many reasons. Thanks for reading, and for your comment too. I’m grateful. XO
Brian, hey there! Thank you.
Well done, Alana.
Hi Caleb. Thank you.
Alana,
I followed a Facebook link, I read this entire piece, I enjoyed it.
One comment, though: You say your son was bummed when he heard what Tracy Morgan said, so how’s he gonna feel when his friends tell him his mother takes it up the ass?
You can be as liberal as you like; I, myself, was raised by a liberal, atheist who would scratch your eyes out if you muttered a derogatory word about gays, but a 14-year-old boy is an impressionable thing, he walks around with an imaginary peer group in his head, and THEY (14-year-olds) are the suicides you wrote about: the emotional teenagers of the world, the most sensative people we know.
As much as you love your ‘dangerous writing’ and your Pank blog, and as much as you pride yourself as a fine parent, what the fuck are you thinking?
Get this shit off here before your 14-year-old boy accidentally reads that part about you and your ‘lover’ slipping it up your ass by accident. Show some fucking common sense, and let’s see those parenting skills you just touted. Sacrifice your own selfish desire to write about your anus in the name of your son’s mental health, please.
And don’t even think about trying to tell a 41-year-old man that a 14-year-old boy is too high minded to feel the effects of his mother’s public, pornographic admissions in regards to her anal exploits, including strapping one on and fucking some freak.
I’m sorry. I didn’t friend you on FB to attack you ten minutes later, but you are obviously in serious need of a verbal slap to your selfish soul. Give the boy a fucking chance, woman. This stupid blog isn’t worth it, even if there’s the slightest, tiniest chance that what I’m saying is correct.
Judge much, Donny? Good grief, talk about misogynistic vitriol in the morning.
“including strapping one on and fucking some freak.”
Sounds like you have more in common with Tracy Morgan than you’d care to admit, Donny. If you have kids, I hope you clear your cache every time you use the computer. Fellows like yourself usually live in glass houses.
It’s not a good idea to respond to Donny, he’s a troll.
Alana, I came by to tell you again how much I liked this piece and how glad I am that it’s receiving such positive feedback (other than Donny, who feels the need to not only judge you but to tell you how to parent your son). You always go full steam ahead where other writers (including myself) hesitate and I admire the hell out of you for that. You’re an incredible inspiration, both as a writer and as a mother. Thank you.
Kris, you know this goes both ways. I also respect the hell out of you and consider you prime inspiration. Thank you for your kind words and friendship. Thank you for writing. Thank you for being a mom. XO
There are many things I wish my parents hadn’t said.
My father threatened to walk out on us when I was a kid. My mother decided I was a decent enough outlet for all the gritty details of her marriage when I was in middle school. My father sat across a table from me at Christmas and told me, “a homosexual lifestyle will never be acceptable in my [house].”
None of these things were said in the spirit of being frank, open and honest with me. They were said out of anger, desperation, and spite (respectively). I wish my parents were more transparent and upfront.
On that note I think there’s a lot to be said for the frankness of this article. No, a 14 year-old kid probably doesn’t want to hear about the details of his mother’s sexual life, but being frank about sex is a hell of a lot better than passing on shame and the idea that sexuality is inherently indecent.
There are much more terrible lessons you can pass on to your children than honesty and openness.
Bendi, thank you for your comments here. I think I missed your post last time I went through, but I read what you shared here just now and am grateful. Best. A
Yeah, I judge stupidity. I work with 14-year-olds. They are the most easily embarrassed people in the world.
Yes, being honest about sexuality with children is a good thing, and at the same time characterizing a blog about taking it in the ass and sticking a dildo in a man’s ass as an ‘honest conversation about sex with your child’ is an even dumber comment than I imagined possible.
I did not say people should lie to their children about sex. What I am saying is that if just one of Alana’s son’s friends read this blog, then that boy will officially have an anal slut for a mother, and that is exactly what any 14-year-old would think about a woman who writes this kind of shit online. It’s not even fiction, it’s some kid’s mother telling the entire world about the time she got fucked in the ass by accident, the time she asked to get fucked in the ass but couldn’t unclench her ass-cheeks and the time she fucked some guy with a strap-on.
Yeah, what a great fucking thing to do to your 14-year-old son.
Now I am forever done coming anywhere near this garbage heap of morons that is the Pank blog. What a gaggle of absolute fools. This is one absolutely disgusting bunch of ass-kissers.
That poor fucking kid. He never has to wonder if even his mother (an angel to him) did nasty things. he knows, she did, and she was a wild one, strapping on dildos and hanging out with guys who jammed it in her ass and then pretended like it was an accident.
Whew!
Goodbye and good riddance, you stupid, mindless drones.
Donny,
You, along with everyone else in the world, are entitled to your opinion. However, you’re not exactly helping your case out. Did she say some things that left you wondering, “why?” Obviously. You had a rant session on how she could dare publish this. However, when looking at your comments, I see profanity in just about every sentence. Is this not the same thing you were just criticizing her for, just using different words? For all we know, you could be “an angel” to your children, but if they happen to see your comments, don’t you think they would think differently of you? I instantly lose respect for someone that lacks the class and respect for another human when all they can do is throw out words that you did. If you were able to state your issues in an adult manner, without feeling the need to resort to such immature tactics, people would be far more willing to listen.
Ang, that was well said. Thank you.
I would personally expect that most of the peers of Alana’s son wouldn’t actually know her name, let alone that she was a writer. Even under the assumption she’s not using a pen name, we’re forced to assume that not only does her son make a point of telling everyone in his middle school that his mother is a writer but also her full name. From that point they would have to work their way to Pank and read through the blog.
On top of all that, go ahead and Google “Alana Noel Voth” and you’ll see that Pank isn’t even on the first page.
Just because something’s on the Internet doesn’t mean it’s being shouted from the rooftops.
Luke, as stated already, I appreciate your comments. Be well.
[...] But the reason this occurred to me, I suspect, is because as I struggle with particular anxiety around blockage in me and writing and wanting to allow out what wants to come out, I’ve remembered people dealing with sexual repression and wondered how such things are/have affected them. How would it feel if they sat with it; if they didn’t engage with the historical tension cycle and faced what was there with kindness and love? [...]
Unblocking, that was poetic. And profound. XO
Alana, you wrote a very brave piece. Re parenting skills, let them who are without sin cast the first stone. I tried to keep the details of my own sex life away from my teenage daughter, who is now 30-something. Before she cut me out of her life (& her children’s lives) last summer, she blamed me for a list of offenses, some factually true, some untrue. She blames me for writing erotic FICTION and mentioning it to her. I always told her I didn’t expect her to read it. I’m sure I will never stop loving her, or missing her, but I have to live my own life. Can’t live someone else’s. As you say, living in fear doesn’t help anyone.
Hi Jean,
Thank you for your comment here. I’m sorry about your daughter. That divide between you. Peace.
I write stories far dirtier than this blog, I never complained about anybody’s language. I have no complaints at all. I have simple facts.
Let’s say Alana was married yet going through a divorce at the moment. Provided her spouse was anything but an all-out criminal, this blog post would cost her custody of her son in a divorce battle, at least in America. (Precedents say this, not me.)
As for her son never knowing that his mother took it in the ass a few times, worried about poop, strapped on a dildo and stuffed that into a guy she so stupidly called ‘the least homophobic man she ever knew,’ she mentions her son in this post. I don’t know about anybody else, but I usually read posts in which I am mentioned.
And just to be clear, you’re all saying that between the two choices, one being a 14-year-old boy reading about his mother’s anal and strap-on exploits, and the other being a 14-year-old boy who gets to live his life without dealing with that… you all say the healthier choice is to have that boy read about his mother’s anus and her clenched ass-cheeks as her lover lubed her up and tried to stick it in. I say you’re all full of shit and you don’t have minds to make up for yourselves. You’re incapable of anything but reading through a list of comments and feeling sure that the majority perception is the correct one. In case any of you dolts missed it, I just defined intellectual cowardice for you.
There’s not a psychologist in the world who would disagree with me when I say it’s probably not a good idea for a mother of a 14-year-old boy to blog about her anal exploits and her son in the exact same post. It’s probably not a very good idea to bother a sexually developing boy with his mother’s sexual issues at all.
Teenagers talk a lot about things being normal. They think anything abnormal is odd and scary. This is no mistake of nature’s. They are developing and the mind knows that normal experiences will help them best assimilate into society, best develop into a mentally healthy person. They instinctively avoid abnormal situations, because nature wants them to, nature wants their first experiences to be of the norm, because that brings about normal development.
Alana is a reckless and potentially damaging parent. This one post alone could alter her son’s emotional development. He is, after all, in FUCKING PUBERTY, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, PEOPLE!!!
You don’t fuck with a kid in puberty at all, much less in the most graphic and taboo manner possible.
You are idiots, Alana is the queen of all moronic mothers, and now her son has visual images of his mother taking it in the ass, at the tender age of 14.
Argue away, you mindless dolts. You have no idea how happy it makes me to be reminded that I am the one with a unique and heightened perspective and even among those moved enough to respond, there is never any serious competition for me here.
Let’s have it…
Donny, my dear, you said you were leaving, yet you continue to comment. Welcome back, as you have joined us “mindless drones.” Congratulations on showing your self-imagined superiority and continuing to argue OVER THE INTERNET. Didn’t your mother ever tell you if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all? No? Ok, well, I’m telling you- if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If you don’t agree with her parenting style, move on. I’m sure that there are more pressing issues for you to deal with than attacking someone that you don’t even know.
Alana, Thank you for this important and beautiful post. As a mother of five, including a 15 year old gay son, I feel that what you wrote needed to be written in exactly the words you chose. I’m not going to comment on the broader issue at stake other than to say it is impossible to engage in a complex topic like the one here (how and when and how much honesty do we offer in our writing if it might hurt others) if one of the leading voices walks into the discussion with prejudices ablaze. Thank you again for your wonderful piece.
Hi KMA,
Thank you, so much, for your comment. I wish you and your family well. Peace, A
[...] “Dear Tracy Morgan” by Alana Noel Voth (Sexual Orientation, Parenting, Sex and Society) 6/12/11 I read this twice in a row about fifteen [...]
Thank you, Alana, for such a thoughtful, big-hearted post. As a young person and a homosexual, this post hits home in a number of ways. My own experience with this vein of parental intolerance and inexplicable religious fervor can attest to the failure of Mr. Jordan’s copped-to “humor.” You’ve written some necessary words here.
Hi Peter,
Thank you so much for reading and leaving your thoughts here. I wish you all the best. Hugs. Alana
Just wow.
Hi Robin. Thank you for reading.
I grew up in a world of tolerance. My godfather was a gay man, my godmother a lesbian. I would say I was disproportionately exposed to non-normative sexualities all my early life (using the 7% rule). So I grew up believe that people are people, and people love people, and gender is really not a sticking point when it comes to who you fall in love with. It wasn’t until I reached my late teens that I encountered homophobia. It was more than a shock. In my young heart, it felt like a mortal wound. How could anyone condemn a whole group of people for who they LOVED. It seemed an inexplicable social insanity to me.
As I grew older, I encountered many more prejudices and I have come to believe that bigotry (of any kind) is a kind of phenomenon that is born of fear. A meme virus that attacks the amigdala and is passed on through exemplars of behaviour and word of mouth through the generations. And I’m sad to say that, for the most part, I’ve found it an incurable disease. It cannot be reasoned away or quelled with compassion, because bigots aren’t rational people. There is no fighting it.
There is only early vaccination. And it is the duty of every mentally healthy parent to ensure that they raise courageous children. Yes, I use the world courage. Because it is courage that allows us to perceive difference without perceiving threat. For every parent to raises a courageous, rational, well-informed child, there is one less bigot in the world.
So I thank you. Because you are one of those parents. And I’m sure your 14-year old will be absolutely fine. I don’t know who your nasty commenter is, but he obviously knows nothing about what actually traumatizes 14-year olds. It certainly isn’t knowledge about their parent’s sexuality.
RG,
And I thank you.
A